I had my three week check-up on Thursday and everything is going well so far. I feel better everyday and am cutting down on the meds. It still gets uncomfortable to walk really far, and I get winded so easily. I'm sure it will take some time to get back to 100%. It was a nice visit with the Dr. He and I kinda went over everything and he reassured me that they did all they could. He said that none of us wanted this to happen but after losing Johnny, this was most likely where we would end up. Trying to keep the other two was just kind of uncharted territory. Boy can I tell you how much I hate being the "interesting case" that all the nurses and Drs. were amazed by. I fought back a few tears at the Drs office. It was hard seeing other expecting moms and hearing people scheduling their c-sections. I keep telling myself to be happy for other people because I don't know what they have been through to get their little miracle. When a couple came out excited after their ultrasound it was all I had not to cry thinking about the day we first saw three babies in there. Such a mix of emotions and fears that day, but a day I will cherish forever. I also thought of the day we saw three healthy babies only 18 hours before losing Johnny and our lives being thrown into an unstoppable nightmare. On a positive note though Dr. S said that he saw no reason why we wouldn't be able to try for more children. I will see him again in 3 weeks to make sure healing is going well. It is hard to think of trying again but of course we want more children. With my infertility issues it is just so hard to conceive. We tried over a year and a half with Josey and over a year with Johnny, Jaxsen, and Asher. I know some try much longer, but the endless medication and negative pregnancy tests are just so hard to go through. The Dr. recommends at least 6 months until we think about starting all this over again. Of course a part of me wants to be pregnant today. It is the hardest thing to wake up each morning and realize just a few weeks ago I was pregnant and now am not. I have left the maternity clothes I was just starting to need hanging in the closet. Mom bought me a few maternity clothes after losing the first baby, and I just can't put them away. It is very strange to fit into normal clothes. With any future pregnancies it will not be easy. I will have to have the cerclage, stitching of the cervix, again. With the damage, my cervix most likely will not be able to hold a baby in again. Just praying that it will be strong enough to get us to 12 weeks with a pregnancy so we can have to procedure. Guess we will just see what the next Dr. report is on Sept. 16 and go from there. Dr. S said lets get to 2011 and start over and have a great year. Surely we have some good fortune coming, right? I have to mention that it is so touching to have a Dr. that really cares and is really disappointed right along with us.
Well I go back to work tomorrow and Mike starts his new job. Praise God for him getting a day job with great hours, the overnight stuff wasn't gonna work! I hope to ease back into a routine...will be a little hard to be "normal" again after all that has happened since May 1st.
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