Johnny Louis Smith

At 8:39 am on July 20, 2010 our son Johnny Louis Smith was born at home. As I write this it still doesn't seem real.
I woke up with some discomfort at 14 weeks 4 days along with our precious triplets. I called the doctor's office and waited for a call back. I delivered Johnny at home about 30 minutes later. We were transported by ambulance to the hospital. I cannot describe the emotions I felt as I rode in the ambulance thinking I was losing all of my babies. In the ER due to a nurse's confusion, I actually thought I lost two of them. Our Dr. met us there. He gently took care of me and the baby. He then did an ultrasound and found two heartbeats safe inside. After about an hour I was sent to an OB room to wait, not knowing if the others would be able to survive such a traumatic event. I was given lots of antibiotics and other medicine. Mike and I chose to hold our sweet little boy and spent about 30 minutes with him in my arms. So glad we chose to do that. He was perfect, yes at 14 and a half weeks...perfect. My first thought was that he had Josey's feet. We hadn't really decided on any names but Johnny just seemed right. Louis was my granfather's name so Mike thought it would be the best middle name. Letting go of him was the hardest thing I've ever had to do. I know he is in Heaven and I know God had a bigger plan for our second born son.
I spent the next 48 hours worrying and waiting to see what would happen. The placenta did not deliver with Johnny and never did. We were unsure for almost a week as to whether the babies shared a placenta or had separate ones. The Dr. is fairly confident that they each have their own, which is the best case scenario. I had severe labor pains the second night and they sedated me to calm my body. I have never prayed as I did that night. Begging God to let me keep my babies. When I woke up, we still had two little miracles safe inside. I ended up having a procedure the following Tuesday (a week later) and surgery on Wednesday the 28th to help keep the babies inside. We had two ultrasounds a day to check on the babies and so far they seem unaffected. Very high in the uterus and strong heartbeats. I was in the hospital a total of 10 days. I am very happy to be home but we have a long road ahead. I am on complete bedrest indefinitely. Only able to get up to use the restroom and go to Dr. appointments. We go on Aug. 9th to see how things are going. I pray for the strength to mentally and physically come through this for my babies. My heart is broken, but I must be strong. I have good moments and bad, but I know God will guide me through this. We love you baby Johnny, and you will be loved and missed forever.

Busy times!

Well we've been potty training since Thursday and it is definitely time-consuming. He is doing great but of course not 100% there yet. Yesterday (day four) I took him out of the house for the first time, no accidents in the car and he even went potty in the regular toilet while we were out!! I am so proud of my big boy but sad all at the same time. I know we need to get him on a very set schedule before the babies come but it is hard since I'm off right now. He got a twin size bed and is adjusting to it. Although he did fall out last night, which he never did in his toddler bed but I think he got tangled in the sheet. We had been putting up a baby gate to keep him in his room but that has come down now. We want him to listen to us when we tell him it is time for bed, and avoid the occasional standing at the gate crying/talking to us to get up. Seems to be working well. Kinda worries me when all of a sudden he is standing at my bed saying "mommy wake, wake!" I have no idea what he's been doing. Today when I heard him say that he was using his tools to "fix" our bed. Nothing he can really get into and all the doors are locked, front door chained, but a Mom does worry with a creative little boy!
As for me, I am feeling well for the most part. Potty-training definitely is taking every bit of the little energy I have. I get tired so easily. I am not eating enough, but I just don't feel like eating...which I know I have to in order to grow three babies. Still losing weight but as long as the babies are growing we are ok. We are excited/nervous to go back to the Doctor next Monday to see the babies again. But then again I was nervous everytime we went with J until we heard the heartbeat, etc. It will be nice to have an ultrasound everytime but I think a little more anxiety will be there. They can't simply do the doppler to listen because we have to know who we are listening to. I am sure many things will be different than with Josey, so I feel clueless.
We are working on re-organizing Josey's room and converting the office into a THREE baby room. I have a huge walk-in closet so half is becoming the office/storage for my teaching things, etc. It is slow going because I have to take a break every 10 minutes. Mike started his part-time job today and hopefully will start his full-time job this week. Details coming on that one soon. We are ecstatic but it's overwhelming that we are so far behind that it feels like he need four jobs to catch up. I am praying it works out but will not be easy. Not knowing how long I will be able to work is a big worry for me. I have always worked. I feel kinda helpless but I know, as my family reminds me daily, that my job is to grow three healthy babies. I have been listing things we will need to try and get an idea. So many have been so kind to offer their baby things. I'm sure soon we will be taking everyone up on the offers as we get a little further along. I have now decided we are going to need two more baby carriers with the base for the car. I had thought maybe we could just go with 5lb. and up carseats but the babies just might be too small. The more I thought about it, I decided it seemed crazy not to put them in carriers. So if anyone has a gently used carrier with base please let me know. We are so lucky to have such great friends and family that have been so supportive. We will update after Doctor appt. next week!

Three?!

I'm sure most of you have had a moment when your life took an unexpected turn and was changed in an instant. Mike and I have had many such moments lately but none more than the news we received on Wednesday, June 23, 2010. We had an appointment to have our first ultrasound to make sure the pregnacy was going well. I was nervous, since we had prayed for a baby for so long, that everything would be okay. Mike and I left early and did a little job hunting. I was dropping off resumes at schools in my hunt for a certified job for next year. He is still looking anywhere and everywhere. We ate a quick lunch then headed for Lifespring Women's. Which by the way I absolutely love! Dr. Schmitz took us into the ultrasound room and as soon as the image came up on the big flat-screen tv, I knew I saw THREE babies in there. It was such a strange thing since our families had been non-stop teasing us that we were having twins, and yes a few had joked triplets. As I tried to speak, nothing came out. Finally, I said "is there more than one?" Dr. S had a stern look on his face and nodded, never taking his eyes off the screen. There was a moment of silence then I said "Is it three?" The Dr. looked up and said "Yes, It's TRIPLETS." He seemed just as stunned as we were. Of course the crying started at this point, I can not describe the thoughts and feelings I was flooded with at that moment. My mind was racing. I reached for Mike's hand and he just held on as we waited to see if we had three viable babies in there. It was the most scary few minutes of my life until Dr. S said they all had heartbeats and were measuring all about the same size. The next 15 minutes or so are a blurr, including the nurse coming in and comforting me as I cried, Dr. S telling us that we could do it but it would be hard, listing of medication I would need to be on, and a ton of questions asked and answered. It still seems surreal now four days later. Of course the financial concern is the largest. Mike has no job, and here was the Dr. telling us that I would be on bedrest most of the pregnancy and unable to work. Talk about putting the pressure on Mike. I have to mention that he was so strong that day, he knew just what to say to me. I am so blessed to have a wonderful man who loves his family above all else. We asked all grandparents and Laura and Travis to meet us at 5 at the house. I avoided all calls until then. Mike stood in the livingroom and told our amazing family, not an easy thing to do. They were so excited and supportive. I know with their love and support we CAN do this! I think that covers it in short story form. I will continue to update this to keep a record of this exciting time in our lives. Right now I am just taking it easy and beginning to plan some things out. I haven't felt that good in the last few days. I am determined I WILL do whatever it takes to get three healthy babies here. We will find a way to make all the details work out, I know it. Trusting in God, and relying on our friends and family. Please keep the prayers coming. I love these babies so much! We are due January 14th. Dr. Schmitz said ideally we would like to get to 34 weeks, so that would put them here the first of December with the babies staying a bit in the hospital. I am praying I will surprise him and carry them to the point of being able to bring them right home. Amazing that by the end of the year we will be a family of 6!

Best Daddy Ever!

We celebrated Father's Day yesterday and it really made me thankful for Mike. We've been having a rough go of it lately, but I am amazed with his strength. He is so wonderful with Josey. I think we have gotten really spoiled having Daddy around all the time. I know he will find a job and that has to happen, but we've really enjoyed the extra Daddy time! The way Josey cracks up when Mike does something funny, or the way he stares in awe when he's playing the guitar, just makes me fill with happiness. I know that Josey wants to be just like his Daddy. He loves listening to music or watching music videos with Daddy. Lately, he always wants one of us to dance in the livingroom with him. Love when he gets Daddy dancing with him! I know he will continue to be a great Daddy as we welcome another addition in January. Can't wait for the new baby to meet his/her wonderful Daddy!

God is Good...

On May 7th it was time to take a pregnancy test at the end of the last treatment. I debated it most of the day and then stopped for a test on the way home from work. I had been praying so hard about it in the days leading up to it.
Mike lost his job of four years just a few days earlier and our life was turned upside down in an instant. I had no clue what we were going to do and felt pretty hopeless. One of the first conversations we had after he got the news was how we would not pursue more fertility treatments for a while, as this cycle was ending. Partly for the stress we have been under and partly for the financial aspect. I felt a peace about it, but was definitely heartbroken.
When I got home that afternoon, I didn't tell Mike I was going to take a test. As I waited for the results I prepared myself for another disappointment (I think I've taken around 10 tests or so in a little over a year.) I already had the peptalk ready for myself. Of course I was hopeful and praying like crazy. When I finally decided to look at the test, I was stunned to see a tiny, faint pink line in the test area. My heart racing, I came out to tell Mike I had a positive test, but I was still not getting my hopes up because I had a false positive a few months ago. I had to go to Alicia's orchestra concert that evening so I stopped for another test on the way. Of course as soon as I got in the car I had to call Laura and tell her what had happened. I made her vow secrecy!
The next morning Josey woke up crying at 4 am. Of course once I was awake, I had to take the test. So while Mike changed Josey's diaper and tried to put him back to bed I took the test. A definite POSITIVE! I cried and tried to get myself together enough to tell Mike. I went to Josey's room and Mike asked me not to get him up because he had been getting in our bed since he's been sick lately and we were trying not to make a habit of that. Of course I had to though. Mike went into the bathroom so I gave the test stick to Josey, yes it was clean. When Mike came out Josey gave him the stick and said "Baby." Although we couldn't help to laugh at the irony of timing, losing a job and finding out we were pregnant in the same week, we were overjoyed!! As the three of us crawled into bed together I felt amazingly blessed.
My sister Erin was getting pinned for nursing school that day and graduating from the UA on Saturday, so I didn't want to steal any attention from her great accomplishment. It worked out great because Sunday was Mother's Day. I framed a picture of Josey wearing a big brother shirt for both grandmas. They were both so happy. What a great Mother's Day!
I am now only five weeks along so it's a little scary, but we are staying positive. God has blessed us so much. Although Mike's work future is uncertain and the financial burden is great, I know that we will come through this together. I won't post this for a while I'm sure because I don't want my pregnancy to hurt my chances of getting a classroom job next year. I go to the doctor on the last day of school, June 8th, so I will probably let everyone know and post this blog once school is out. I had to write this so I would be able to remember how we felt and so our baby will one day be able to read how much love we had from the minute we knew we were pregnant. I am so excited for our growing family! As I sit here, I watch Josey dancing around the livingroom with his Daddy. I am so happy that Josey will have someone to grow up with and to share his life with. I know he will be a great big brother!! I love my babies.

Josey Turning Two!

I absolutely have no clue where the last two years have gone. April 19, 2008 still seems so recent in my mind. Hands down, the best day of my life. Josey has brought so much joy into our lives. We are constantly amazed at how fast he is learning and growing up. He now goes into his room on his own accord to go to bed, of course not until after giving the sweetest kisses in the world to Mommy and Daddy. Just a few weeks ago he said "Wuv oooh" for the first time. Talk about melting hearts! He can count to 10 and is talking in three or four word phrases. It is so nice to actually know what he wants, well most of the time. Of course he does have his days of temper tantrums but overall is a very laid back, pleasant little man. He cracks us up at how organized he is, everything has to be just right. He loves to clean, take out the trash, and put dishes in the sink. Such a helper! He pretty much knows all the family members names now and it is so cute to hear him say them. He is stuck to PawPaw all day and has to do anything he is doing. Loves to play outside and "fix" things with PawPaw. He definitely loves his Nana too. We are so blessed that he gets to stay with them during the day. We recently added on to our deck and he was very involved. He pretty much sat by his Daddy or Grandpa, and helped hammer, and anything else they would let him do. He loves to play outside. Unfortunately, he is struggling with allergies lately but hopefully the Zyrtec and inhalers will help.
We are so blessed to have this little boy in our lives. I don't take that for granted for one minute. I have been really struggling lately wanting a brother or sister for him. I know it will happen in God's timing but it's hard not to be upset when "our plans" aren't quite working out. I just want him to have someone close in age to grow up with. We always planned on having children close together. We have been trying since right before Josey turned one, so it's been a long process. Some days I just want to stop all the medicine and try to forget it, but something just makes us want to keep going. I guess only someone who has been through months of not feeling well and constant mood swings on fertility medicine would understand what this roller coaster is like. Not sure what the future will hold as far as treatment. With Josey we were fortunate and only had to endure one month of actual treatment, after over a year of trying on our own. Just gonna try and stay positive and focus on the amazing little boy in our lives. Thank God for our sweet little Josey Alexander!!

What a week...

I am so ready for everyone in our family to get to feeling better! I think at least one of us has been sick everyday for about a month. Josey is feeling better after running a 103 fever with a throat infection. He has basically just moped around and cuddled all week. I am happy to see him playing again! Mike went to the doctor and has a sinus infection and bronchitis, which I had just three weeks ago. Hoping he feels better soon since he has had no voice for about three days. Mom has been sick this week and had gout in her foot which caused a lot of pain. Thanks to my awesome Dad for helping her watch Josey this week. He sure loves his PawPaw!!
I celebrated my 27th birthday on Wednesday. It was a great day. My family came over for dinner. Mike bought us a new flat-screen tv for the bedroom. We have been watching a tiny tv in there for four years. Laura got me some super cute Yellow Box flip-flops, love them! Erin got me the new Nicholas Sparks book, The Last Song. Haven't had time to start it yet, but hopefully this weekend. I always love it when my family can be together. Lots to do this month! Looking forward to Easter on Sunday and Josey's birthday in just three weeks!!