Update

Mike started a job this week. Today he told me that he is pretty happy there so far. It is at an auto parts supplier in Tontitown. Great hours and Saturdays only when overtime is needed. Don't think he is loving getting up at 6am but it is nice for him to have closer to the same schedule as me now. Lots more family time than at his previous job. I have to take Josey to Mom and Dad's now in the mornings which is a lot of work and getting around earlier for me. I was lucky that Mike has always taken him up until now. Josey is pretty reluctant to leave me but if Mom comes outside to get him, he is fine and waves goodbye to me. It is super hard to leave him, I guess even moreso since everything that has happened. Sometimes I just hold him as he's falling asleep and stare at him. I love that little guy so much!
I am doing ok. Most days. I have times when my thoughts just run wild and I replay events over and over. On Friday I had an evening of panic attacks and just an uneasy feeling. Hopefully those will get fewer and farther between. I did see the Dr. for my 6 week checkup. Can't believe it's been 6 weeks already. I got a great report, seem to be healed properly. We will be able to try again in a few months if we are ready. I want a baby more than anything, but with us it is so hard to conceive and now it will be even more difficult. We have to make sure we are mentally strong enough to go through trying, negative tests, the pregnancy worries, and ups and downs first. For me that depends on the day. I keep saying I want to be pregnant...but not just pregnant. 15 weeks pregnant with 3 little boys. I haven't had the heart or energy to take the crib down yet, but I think it's time. Planning on putting it in the guest room and going ahead and doing some of the rearranging I had planned on doing. Like moving the changing table (that hasn't been used in months) out of J's room and into the guest room. Feeling like rearranging somethings might feel like a fresh start. Don't know how I am going to touch the baby clothes and blankets bought and made for the babies but somehow I will. Just praying for God to give us peace and guidance for upcoming decisions in many aspects of our lives.