I am so blessed to have celebrated my fourth Mother's day this Sunday. Josey was only about a month old for my first one and I remember how I was still in that new Mommy mode. Crazy that he is now 3 years old! I have grown so much as a person and a Mommy since that first Mother's day. We are so blessed to be Josey's parents. Mike cooked breakfast and I snuggled with Josey to watch the DVD Mike made me for Mother's Day when Josey was one. He put pictures and videos into an amazing slideshow and I have watched it on each Mother's day since. I just held Josey tight and cried while watching it. I just love him so much and am so thankful for him. The day was also a little bittersweet. I have four little boys but only one was in my arms that day. I can't quite describe what that feels like...just empty I guess. I kept thinking about what they would have looked like at Josey's age, and what I was suppose to be doing now...not sleeping, feeding babies constantly, changing tons of diapers, etc. Is it strange that I feel like that was stolen from me? I know crazy, right? Sometimes I think there is no way I could have handled that and I feel relieved that I can focus on Josey. Of course that is followed by guilt for thinking something like that. One of my main concerns when we found out we were having triplets was how it would be for Josey. I took some time and looked at their pictures and their tiny clothes they wore. So precious.
I have started reading a book called "Heaven is for Real." It is about Heaven from a four-year-old boy's perspective. It is the true account of the little boy's time in Heaven as told by his father. He actually died on the table during surgery and was revived. He began telling his parents things about Heaven. He actually told his mom he saw his miscarried sister in Heaven. His parents had never told him about that so it was a very compelling part of the story. Anyway...reading that chapter gave me so much peace. The little boy said he saw Jesus and he described him. Finally, the mom asked him where was Jesus? He replied, "I was sitting on his lap." How amazing that the first face my boys saw was Jesus'...
As Mother's Day came I was reminded of how thankful I am for my mother who was so strong for me through it all. I don't think I have written about this before, but she also lost a baby before I was born. I know that watching me go through the same thing was so unbelievably hard, but she never let me see that. My mother is an amazing, inspiring woman. I hope that I will be as great of a mother as she has always been for her girls. Not to mention the best Nana in the world to all her grandbabies. Love you Mom!
